Untitled, #4

Do the brave thing. Do the brave thing and say no and fly away. Not only is it brave, but it is smart. Not only is it smart, but it will lead to an infinitely better future. Be brave, little bird!

Untitled, #3

I had a dream that I don't want to talk about because it scares me so much. But I have to talk about it because it scares me so much. In my dream, I am outside and a man walks up to me. He is not someone that I know in real life but he is someone that instinctively in my dream I know that I know. He threatens me with a knife but I begin to run. He follows me, and I am almost inside an apartment (not the one I am in now) when he sticks his foot in the door and gets in too. So my apartment is not safe. And I am screaming and crying and he is wrestling against me. And everywhere that he touches my body is a slash, and bright red swells to the surface of my skin. My arms. My legs. My stomach. My neck. And I am thrashing. And I ask him why?! Why is he bothering with me? He has someone else. And he says that I am his for life and cannot belong to anyone else and it is better this way. And he keeps cutting me with every caress.

There is a moment of distraction (something crashes in the distance) and he looks and it is all I need to get away. So I run. Oh, I run. I get out of the apartment and my bare feet touch the gravel and the hot tar and I run. And suddenly I find myself in Ephraim, hiding in a bush near an old house that used to be on campus but has long-since been torn down. I sneak into a window and enter the home and I am suddenly SAFE. It feels like peace.

Up to this point, things make sense, but now, in my dream, I see Dustin Hoffman sitting in a recliner. I climb onto his lap and he rocks me to sleep.

I know what this dream means. Don't tell.

Untitled, #2

I am scared of the dark. In the dark, I can have all sorts of dreams that I don't want to have. In the dark, I can't protect myself, and no one is around to know how to protect me.

Untitled, #1

I noticed his yellow teeth, a bottom row of not-near white enamel that has an interesting sheen in the sun. How strange, that I had not before noticed the imperfection. They are uneven and jarring. I, who usually only see him at night, noticed the truth of the rows of teeth in the light of day.

He stood behind the bed of his truck, telling me he was leaving. Instead of thinking of Oregon, or my mother, or the four years we had been together, I thought of his teeth. The chip in the front tooth I had seen. He earned it in a fight he had in a club shortly after he first proposed. I had traveled to my Nana’s for the weekend and was called awake one night by a bail bondsman. He had been in a fight and was arrested. I let him spend the night in jail. He needed to learn a lesson and I needed the money for rent.

I think about how much I love his smile, but then realize that he only smiles in my mind. I haven’t seen a smile. So what is it that I love?

I Think I Can.

I'm including a picture of my sassy new 'do because it brings me joy. This is not the "salon styling" but is proof of the fact that I know how to do my hair. I think I have it in me to maintain this style.

Hello

Today I am grappling with my life and the fact that I have oodles of free time and nothing to do. In honor of that fact, I chose to customize a header for my blog and make it slightly more personal. I made my Lego figurine at Reasonably Clever. I decided that it would be best to make a superhero version of myself, as that is what I wish to be. I am slightly sad about the boxiness of my figure, but such is life in Lego-land. The main font is Rickles, found at dafont.com. Overall, happy. Although, overall, at present, I am sad.