Our Calculations

While teaching Primary last week, this statement jumped out at me.

Often our idea of how things should be is completely different than what the Lord has in mind. When I was younger, I never once imagined that I would not be able to have children. I figured I would marry the great guy (I did!) and we would work to build a great family (we want to!).

There are all sorts of calculations that take place in this world. As humans, we calculate the "right" age to make many of our decisions, but ultimately, and usually, there is a difference between those calculations and what actually happens. I figured I would be married by 22. I was married at 26. Sometimes the best laid plans fall short. That doesn't mean you stop planning, or just hand everything over to the Lord in frustration. It does mean, however, that you remind yourself that things are bigger than right now, that Rome wasn't built in a day, and that our sense of vision is limited. And, sometimes our calculations are different than His plan for us.

Simple Joys

Today was a day of simple joys. It wasn't extraordinary, but it was full of just enough beauty that I wanted to take a moment to share those joys with the world.

Simple Joy #1

Grandpa with my sister's little baby (January 2013)

I ran to the grocery store and while I was there, I saw my cute grandpa. This doesn't seem like a big deal, but it's the first time in my life that this has happened. Nana and Grandpa moved to town almost a year ago. When I saw my grandpa from behind, my heart kind of skipped a beat. Cowboy hat, suspenders, worn out jeans. There was something thrilling about seeing him there, being reminded of the fact that he lives just down the street. I love it.

Simple Joy #2

I talked to my dad for a bit this afternoon. We are experiencing similar frustrations, and it was so nice to gain the perspective I needed to keep moving forward. My problems are small, and my blessings are many. I am so grateful to have the father I do, and so glad daily that my parents are nearby.


Simple Joy #3
Today while Blaine was at work, I mowed the lawn. It takes something off his to-do list, makes me feel energetic, and I love the smell of cut grass. We have SO. MUCH. YARD WORK. but every bit makes me look at the lawn with a bit more hope.

Wait

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WAIT(verb) 
remain in readiness for some purpose. 

Blaine is so good to me. He loves me more than I can wrap my brain around.

This week, we were driving back from a date and I asked him, "Why do you love me so much?"

He replied, "Because I waited a long time for you."

It's a tender response. And, it makes sense on a larger scale. It makes sense that people love babies as much as we do. We wait NINE months for them to come into this world.

In the case of adoption, we will wait for an UNKNOWN amount of time for a child. It's a waiting game. But wait is an action word. Part of waiting is preparing ourselves to be parents.

Using the logic of my Mr., I know that when a child, our child, finds his or her way into our home, that child will be loved more than words.

Because we have waited. And love is worth the wait.
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Valentine's day, kind of

Today is Valentine’s day, kind of.

As I began to get ready this morning, I was struck with a feeling of familiarity, a bitter-sweetness that was striking and unshakable.

I have celebrated Valentine’s day as a single woman. There is a loneliness that latches on, a cloud of something missing that looms over the day. On that day, above others, a single person FEELS single. And those feelings can go a few ways:

a) Bitterness at those who have someone to share the day with OR

b) Hope that next year might be different

On every single Valentine’s day, I would always take special care to get ready: do my hair, carefully apply makeup, choose a strategic outfit, all because I wanted to look like someone who could be loved, to look like someone who believed her life could change. And one day, it did.

Now, as a married woman, hoping, praying, and waiting to adopt a child, it’s Valentine’s day all over again. I got ready this morning and looked in the mirror, hoping that I looked like a woman who could be loved, who believes her life can change.

On this day of all days, a childless woman FEELS childless. And feelings can go both ways:

a) Bitterness as those who have someone to share the day with OR

b) Hope that next year might be different

I choose hope.

Happy day to all the beautiful women who are mothers.

Happy day to all the lovely women who are hopeful mothers-to-be.

Happy day to the men who are given the task of comforting women who have never held a child of their own. 


You are loved. And you are not forgotten. Have hope.

A Mini Drive

Today was Stake Conference, so we were out of church by noon. We took this as a sign that we should go up Nebo Loop in Blaine's Mini Cooper. Oh? You haven't met this car yet? He's dreamy, and his name is Dougie. Blaine ogled this car for a few years before making the purchase, and he loves this little 1973 sweetie. Meet Dougie.

The drive was a LITTLE noisy and a lot bumpy, but that's just a reality where Dougie is concerned. And, it's so much fun that the bumps and noise don't matter after a few minutes.

Now, let me introduce you to our drive up the loop:






Lovely. The view was MUCH prettier a few years ago (before the canyon burned), but the sun was shining and I was next to my Mr., and it turns out that sunshine and Blaine combined make for a pretty stellar day.

Meteor Shower

"If you'd like to catch a last look at 2013 Lyrid meteor shower, this is your chance!" -NASA

I've never seen a meteor shower before, and I've never really made effort to do so.

Tonight, Blaine talked me into sleeping outside so we can check out the sweet shower. We are bundled up. We will be sleeping on the tramp, under the stars in our super cozy sleeping bags. I think we are going to freeze.

In case you are worried about us, here is the weather report for tonight:

NASA said in a statement. "Although a bright moon may interfere with viewing, you should still be able to see Lyrid meteors at an anticipated rate of 10-20 meteors per hour." Our view of the night sky:

(Not an actual photo, dramatized to prove a point. It's dark out there!) 

Wish us luck!

Musical Soul-Mates

Before Krystle and I started dating I was talking to her about music. She had recently switched computers and in the process her old computer died. She had lost everything. She was able to get most of her documents back but didn't get all of her music back.

We were talking about songs that we liked and there was a song that she wanted again. I remember having that song on my computer. That night I went home and made a cd with that song. I also filled it with songs I loved, and thought she would too. I gave it to her and she loved it, every song. A few months later she told me we were musical soul-mates. She still has a playlist on her computer with all those songs.

P.S. I bumped into Will.i.am (member of the Black Eyed Peas) in January.




Add-on Note from Krystle: I laughed when I saw this post, because it kind of looks like Blaine is saying he is musical soul mates with Will.i.am. I can assure you that is not the case. Also, the song was a really geeky one called Nike Boots that still makes me smile each time I hear it. I'm not sure why I love it so much, but it brings me joy.